It's just that way, ok?

When I asked about his choice of chat font, he just told me it was the default one.
Yeah, right Dad.
Purple that fades to pink.. I don't even.

Also the topics of conversation usually run along the same lines as above.

how's it going?

Well that was a fairly trying shift. One of the long ones, with my coworker leaving 2 hrs in, due to the flu. But being on my own kept me busy and I had no room for sulking and feeling all lost and overwhelmed with life. So in the end it gave me a bit of a break!

Looking for a new place to call home. Working on landing a pretty nice (but tiny) apt this weekend. Lets hope it work s out :)

Its about the third time a customer at work asks if it is my boutique. Do I look like a young owner? That's pretty rad. I should just start answering "Yes" to people.

I haven't got much more news I'm afraid. I lead a mundayne-leaning-on-boring life presentement.

Had breakfast last Friday with the peeps from work. Those lovely ladies. French toast and fruit, can't go wrong with that. Perhapsies one day morning, I will make french toast for you. Why you would be over at such a time is at your discretion, and we can discuss the matter later if you would like.

The apartment has an Island counter. pretty nice pretty nice (don't get your hopes up, don't get your hopes up Avril)

Trippy day

Today was such a tiring day. By the time 5:30 rolled around I had only finished half my shift. Luckly (luckly I guess?) there was much to do as a big order came in. My energy was pretty low, and I was not "all there" by the end of it. Thus nearing 9:00pm, then enevitable happened. I was headed to the stock room with a handful of hangers when I triped-on-the-step/ on-myslef/ just- fell-down. Of course there had to be a good seven or eight people in the store, and I went down with a thud and a Clank-clank of hangers.

If you've ever seen a cat fall off a book case, they just look confused a second or two, then walk off as if nothing happened, but you can tell their ego got dented. Or little kids that fall over just break out in tears, not so much because they hurt themselves but again, their wittle egos. I was slightly embarassed as two people asked me if I was okay or hurt myself, and glancing over at my boss, who happened to be looking in my direction, I scurried off to the hanger room. I don't think he saw me take the dive, so good thing.

Ugly bruise on the way is expected..

flowerblousetoday

So I have kindof decided not to think for a bit. The whole "What to do with your future", "What your next move" & "Here, why bother enjoying your summer when you can fret upon things that may or may not happen a whole bunch of months away from now".

But I do think about these things all the time. T'will be a challenge. I'll try a month. Obviously it will cross my mind, and I will surely at times catch myself thinking about finding a place to stay after September, or at what point I can afford to run away across the ocean, but I will make an effort to not dwell on all that stuff. At least not excessively. Its not healthy for me.

That's it for now.

And if you tend to ask me these questions, I'd appreciate the break :)

Applesauce making tomorrow. yesss.

no longer in my Power

fully conscious that as I write this my reading base comprises of a total of two people, the occasional other one or two, and perhaps a lost browser. What am I even doiiiing?

Let this be a lesson to all of you young-ins, giving in to peer pressure is at times inevitable. Especially if they insist on giving you free food. You pretty much become like their slave. Slave make you think of having to wash other people's dishes and scrub the floors, or maybe row some boats with spatulas or something. But their sadism is on a whole other level. "Create content. We want to read." they remark, "You eat salad. Write stuff. We want to read." they chant. And when you think about fighting it, and escaping from their scrawl-demanding pressure, they taunt you with cute pictures of their cat. Its ridiculous, it's underwhelming, overwhelming. But the bottom line is the blog is resurfacing.

Don't judge. You'll see, one day, you will fall into the same trap. Those exploiters are everywhere. Perhaps you will have children, and they will demand love in return of eating your food. You lose double in that case. You just wait until you find seemingly nice people that encourage you and believe in your potential, and see how turning the cold shoulder and breaking free of the friendly embrace can be so so difficult.

Until then, you cannot judge me nor my past free meals.

Automated-response [✔]

I have to change these habits.
When I sit down (actually walking home at 11:48pm)and think about it, Ca me nuit.


Without realizing it, I have conditioned myself to a few responses when asked a few questions. The Question- then *bam* my automated answer. Its gotten to the point where I don't even take notice, or really think about the questions anymore. Maybe today I feel more like "yes" then a "no", but that doesn't even pass through my mind before I reply.

Sometimes situations arise, and there is an open __ of a few seconds, instant spontaneous reaction to be had. Instead its more of a stop and the pre-regulated thought/reaction/response/what-have-you kicks in. Sometimes I am given a few minutes to react, but it still reaches the same conclusion.

Like saliva to a steak. I have to revers things in my brain, and change the way I approach these situations. Which I want to do, and have thought about, but the second it actually come into play, I'm Pavlov's Dog again.

Need to rewire things.

blehr

At times like these, I'm glad I don't have predispositions of reckless drinking or anything self destructive to fall back on.




other than my thoughts perhaps

Was pretty awful to someone in a dream just now. Gotta shake that feeling and go about my day.

[ __ ] ma journée, genre..

I wish I had the right content for a good, solid, wonderfully insightful and amusing post. Alas, I really don't. (nothing new). So just a random bunch of thoughts will have to do. But that's no fun to write, so I'll try and tie them together..somehow..maybe just with conjunctions.

"spark notes" version below. Trust me, you won't be missing any extra information.

After a long and decently productive day at werk, I got some not-so-fun news. The severity of which I can only measure as of Monday, but it isn't looking too good :( . Well not horrible, just inconveniant and disappointing. I had to navigate the metro system with large and pointy rulers, capable of taking someone's eye out with a sudden movement. Considering that, paired with my mood, it's a good thing no one approached me to be of annoyance. You know how metro people can be. I got home sleepy and proceeded to fall asleep as a direct result. With my contacts in. And so after having woken up, I feel as though they have been suction cupped to my eye. The lense and my eyeball have become one. That'll be fun to try and remove. sigh.

In other news, I've run into about 3 spiders today. On a totally unrelated note, I ate a lot of food, because sometimes I confuse sleepy with hungry (don't judge). So like left over rice, and strawberry-mango smoothie, and cheesewiz on crackers. Clearly I need my own cooking show. or perhaps a personalized dietary food pyramid. With rice being on the top. Oh- sorry about the tangents, I forgot you were reading this. Followed by the nap, resulted in some weird dream. The pointy rulers did make their appearance in it, as well as puppies. Now I'm drinking water, as if it were to erase the effects of a full belly.

Lastly, on my regrouping of thoughts; Hoping on a Greyhound and going to visit a friend for the weekend. With the possibility of seeing another friend as well. Should be fun. I'll make a post bout it if it ends up fantabulously exciting!

Point form
-got possibly shitty news today
-went on metro with dangerous drafting tools
-food and napped
-contact lens stuck to my eye
-spiders were encountered
-had a weird dream
-and off to neighboring province tomorrah .

[ __ ]

I'll be here, for a little while at least. Even if packing up and running away again is the most tempting thing ever (!)

[ ]The 3 in 1 post

I love Grey. Grey grey e’ryday. So no surprise I like silver quite a bit aswell. Like grey except with the added allure of “slightly shinny”. There is most likely no need for me to explain the properties of such a “colour”/shade, as even if you happen to be colour blind, you’ve haven't been deprived of anything with silver, therefore I digress. The new two additions to my “jewelry box”:

A chain curtain from my mother, adorned with a little leaf (I like leaves as well..)

An ethereal-esque profile
encompassing wildlife and nature. So lovely. From a dear (deer?) friend.

Part II

The film Melancholia came to mind as I was brushing my hair today (useless information added). Film of such image-rich sustenance, nice for those who go to movies mainly for the visual. A plot you try and follow, turning to short dialogue and unspoken information to try and piece together why through such lovely scenery and seemingly joyful premises you sit with with a constant underlying feeling of dread. Until, well, the dread starts. Also quite distracting was the bust of Kirsten Dunst in her wedding dress throughout most of the film.

[Trailer]

Part III

Also, in no connection with the two previous topics, I need to get a hold of myself. And start creating stuff, anything really, for others, for me, whatever it may be. Come sewings in piles, both success and trials. Thoughts scribbled down concrete, where ideas can meet. Whatever their tone, the happier the better. Creating every day, no matter the weather.. Whoa, sorry, I went all Dr. Seuss on you there.

[ __ ] When winter break may have been a little too long

“I don’t want to go to school. I want to stay home with you. I want to play with my friends. And play with my toys. And read my books. And swing my swing. Please may I stay home with you?”